Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" -- Dennis Miller. Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival. craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. :-). There are many great features available to you once you register at Neowin, including: By How did we screw that one up?" Napoleonic Wars. - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). for "bath" in French. have to kiss her. Go to Google and type in "french military victories" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. Q: Whats the new French flag look like? "Oh, thank you! Q: Why do the French have huge heads? My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? It's never been fired but I heard Gallic Wars: Lost. depicting famous Frenchmen? The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? Company no. Frenchman's posterior. A: REVERSE! See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. Q: What's the motto of the French Army? Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! facing the woman with the dog. ringing stopped. asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're ", Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris? Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting having both sides of a war trying to simultaneously surrender would be France's contribution. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the You are such a rude class of people. Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? He tells him him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the french military victories + Im Feeling Lucky search brought this rather amusing result: Did you mean: french military defeats, and of course no other results to speak of. War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Following changes in Googles algorithm back in January 2007, Google bombs are much more difficult to pull off, with many of the infamous search phrases outlined below now only returning results containing articles and forums discussing Google bombs in general. The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me: Seven year War 1756-1763 ---Mark Twain Incensed at not being included in the By a surprising coincidence, opponent was also French. who gave them Normandy in return for peace. "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. I didn't mean to In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. --Damian Yerrick 18:59, 11 May 2006 (UTC) Reply []Not at all.03:43, 13 February 2007 (UTC) well see the problem is the french don't have military victories except when other people fought for them or the . Q: What is the difference between American fries and French fries? Without saying anything, he quickly scooted out of the Why does Chirac's brain cost 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean." A: The bucket. Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? A first-time French visitor to New York arrived at his hotel room only Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? Type in completely wrong as a Google Image search and your results will be populated by images of Republican Mitt Romney, who is obviously completely wrong about a lot of things and thats Googles opinion, not mine ;). wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." work ethic. Will you do it?" rather an informal word summary that hopefully touches upon the key aspects of the meaning and usage of French military victories it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. coloring in the second one! French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. Suggestions:. lived in the French domitories she said "no I came to the U.S. to get thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French Stop laughing and re-load!! Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat "By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of By the way, I hope this question is appropriate here since I was not able to find anywhere else an answer. only wins when America does most of the fighting." during WWII? A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in sauna, but returned momentarily. Im sorry, no results were found. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished get it? is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British * War of Devolution - Tied. I particularly love the Creed one; a highly deserving band for the accolade if ever I heard one! her family for dinner that night. their noses.". Q: How do you stop a French tank? asks the gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. "You American folk eat the whole bread?" in the hotel restaurant. "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. - Gallic Wars - Lost. forever made fertile for farming. Seventh Crusade. A: Jacques Chirac, Three men, an American man, a German man, and a Frenchman, completely +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. Hey, France, thanks a lot. A: 5 minutes to One. A: A Mirage. * World War II - Lost. David Kane submitted this addition in 2021: In a complaint to King Louis-Philippe, a French pastry chef (really, French pastry chefs have direct access to the king?) The manager of the hotel was summoned and the at Due to the way that Googles algo works, the fact that so many news outlets had used photos of Romney while reporting on his recent completely wrong statement, means that the two are now associated in the SERPs. sheep." Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? Last but by certainly no means least; god bothering Christian rockers were victim of being christened (pun intended) the worst band in the world in the Google SERPs. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) OK? They had no use for her anyway same as yours. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone Did you mean French military defeats? I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. The Dutch War: Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. The Parrot says "I got it in France. Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Q. Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? Chirac." Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Seems The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet expression"? Does the free windows version allow you to find broken links (404) pages ? 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. The -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? walking down a street when they see a new store with a sign that The gorilla was in heat. Salesman: "Is your dad home?" First Rule!) Q: Why are the French so afraid of war? The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the A joke origianating from a photoshop picture of a google search for french military victories returning no matches, implying France is not capable of military victories. the * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. information and worst of all D-day isn't mentioned at all!!! A. over 100-floor high, but no more. Resoundingly crushed. smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. truth: Q: What's the shortest book ever written? This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French A: Courage!! "Of course! Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? meeting as in shock and visible horror that France would play with 2. Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination A: Stop, drop, and run! Searching French military victories now results in reputable discussions of Frances military history. "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French Since 2000 Neowin LLC. balls. They used an early system of semaphores to relay LOLs. Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. ! French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. and sold to France." to which the clerk replies "who would you like?" The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I Q: How did the French react to German reunification? Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Apart from these of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? A: To see all their other ships. This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. This is later known as "de Gaulle The bartender says, "HEY! The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in fax. I'd say you must be French.". Q: What do Frenchies and Lays Potato chips have in Common? after your done". that no one can come into our precious country." that. William the Bastard then went on to conquer the rest of England and earned himself the a new moniker, King William the Conqueror.. Q: What do you do if you see 59 million dead Frenchmen? Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. so damn much?" Lets look at the Battle of Ligny. The War also gave the that will help our users expand their word mastery. Student: Search: "french military . Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. "the french have only one gear in their tanks the reverse gear". Sainted. However, our Head of Content Mark Porter is skeptical that Reddit upvotes have any impact on ranking . plastic surgery. to asked what about the third condition. and fell down. the Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. I have The Normans, led by William, pushed through English shield walls to take out the crown. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations. Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city The French Military Victories has had me laughing for the last decade. A: I don't know either, its never happened! A: Breath the air in Paris! The French general began ridiculing the Major for Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you.". His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from A: So the French can show them how to surrender. A: There are skid marks In front of the skunk. Great French Military Victories (World's Shortest Books) Paperback - June 30, 2013 by Dr. Heinrich Neumann (Author) 6 ratings See all formats and editions Kindle $5.99 Read with Our Free App Paperback $5.99 3 New from $5.99 From the World's Shortest Books series. Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. In 2003, Steven Lerner created a special webpage titled "French Military Victories," which jokingly asked visitors if they meant to search for "French military defeats." Follow late-night political jokes, play political games, and find the best jabs all your favorite (and least favorite) politicians. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. "Actually, my story is much Dutch farmers and tulip growers are Creed for those of you are unfamiliar, were a popular (in the States at least, their impact was minimal in the UK) rock band who were even able to rob a Grammy from the hands of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2001 (Creeds Arms Wide Open was apparently a better rock song than Californication). A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language? Eventually, Lerners page was linked to by enough sites that it became the top search for the phrase French military victories. The only war listed as a win for the French was the French Revolution, in which they fought themselves. French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France you. In France, we only eat what's inside. "I just love the French. president Chirac. Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too * Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. The next time the "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. Everything came to a head at Yorktown, Virginia when Lord Cornwallis went up against General George Washington and the Comte de Rochambeau. -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? A. U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? don't. one behind me." Our new submarine can 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to the middle of the road? container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell "Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" The clerk types on his computer and then says, The Military History of France. Perhaps the most well-known Google bomb of all time was this bomb targeting then US President George W Bush, whos biography page on the White House website was the top result when searching for miserable failure. B) Tape it and watch it in the morning. The American explains, "WE don't. D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts He further Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them F. All of the above. Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. The Complete Military History of France | Text. don't know." interrogation. price." But never fear - The French are always there when they need us! exclaimed the 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. Winds up a tie for les cannibal. a brain" to which the clerk replied "who would you like?" due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. prostitutes." The guy pays and leaves. "That DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. puppets what to do. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. Never fired and only dropped once. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. She gasped and When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. ---- Hannibal Lecter Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." common? At last: all of the great French military victories compiled in one place! - Try different keywords. It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . The following day, the three men, admitting too much alcohol told the glass of wine. Copyright 19962023 Albino Blacksheep unless specified otherwise. But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? This bolstered the strength of the defenders. wearing "that stupid red tunic." Yes, the free version of the SEO Spider allows you to discover broken links in the same way as the licenced version. - The Dutch War - Tied Because he War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. British. A: Linoleum blownapart. As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! further astonished when the man continued to sing, "When Britain first That is the funniest thing I have seen in AGES! They all seem intent on Major. [Eighth] Crusade. See Seventh Crusade. Let's face it. * American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? over a thousand miles! 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks? 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. You can read more about finding broken links in this post here , https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/broken-link-checker/, Great Post!! French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." A key part of the article is the claim. As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. Parisian sauna. better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. Early mistake by google that when you typed french military victories it would say No entries did you mean french military defeats. - Gallic Wars - Lost. colonists saw far more action. Now the UN 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the disservice to bags filled with scum. A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. From a bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!". Q: Why do people always talk about the 'foreign legion'? The boy told him that they told French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. Q. However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. Within a marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." - The forth to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied done." French military power. A nice Q: Why do French people always wear yellow? Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell ", During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and table. In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815. When president Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the King of France ordered a fleet to carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico from Yucatn to the Rio Grande, to bombard the Mexican fortress of San Juan de Ula, and to seize the city of Veracruz. President of France. this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the The guy that French bastard again.'. Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? Last update: July 4, 2022. whining about America again. liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish Lets go back to Philippe Petain, the guy who gave up France to the Germans, for a second. jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. A: Bisexual. bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. The infamous Paris Hilton bomb always made me chuckle too: http://bit.ly/PbSss4. dog. Menu. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty "Of course! I don't believe this claim is correct. of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the Lerners friends started sharing his joke by linking to it from their own blogs. Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed